heavy clouds, California, my very own Town

Most of the time, particularly at night, I find myself under the influence of a strange, saddening, exhausting feeling. No matter how much I distract myself, it’s still there. In the back of my mind and then I ask myself. Why? I can’t find a satisfying answer. It is this heaviness I feel in my mind and in my chest. Like I’m about to cry but no tears are coming from my eyes. It’s so heavy. Like a cloud full of rain which cannot be released, it simply hovers inside of me. What would make it go away? Unfortunately, I have yet to find the answer. I can only distract myself from it. I…